Loser Lagassi...

I am obsessed with watching the food channel - I can spend an entire Saturday morning reveling in the antics of Ina, Rachel and Michael. Apparently my love of food isn't just satisfied with eating too much of it; I've got to know how it's made too. What I've realized is that I have a strange love-hate relationship with these people. I love to watch them cook, but most of the time, I just find them incredibly annoying...

So this week - the Foodnetwork and those chefs that I just love to hate.

Emeril Lagassi - If the look on his face in this picture alone isn't enough for you to want to beat him into a coma with a wooden spoon, then you are a better person than I. What is it that makes him so goddam irritating? Is it his very tenuous grasp on the English language, or his inability to conjugate verbs correctly? Is it that he hunches over the stove like a not-too-distant relative of Quasimodo? Is it the "cool" jazz band that he keeps in studio in order to authenticate his "Nawlins" roots? Is it the souless audience members that whoop and holler because he says the word - garlic? Or, that they pretend to laugh at his jokes (and I do use this term loosely), like they are brainless marionettes on pieces of spaghetti? I think it might be when he throws "essence" into a pot and yells "POW!". Seriously, what is that supposed to mean?

And, am I the only one that is seriously and hideously disgusted by the idea of buying a bottle of the "Essence of Emeril?" I shudder to think of what might be in there; I think I just heard the splat of vomit against toilet across the entire country.

Tomorrow: "The Barefoot Contessa: What the fuck happened to her shoes anyway?"

I'm at a conference all day today - and I have no idea what the food is going to consist of. I'll try and do my best, as I really want to do well this week. The scale didn't move at all this morning, and I can't even be discouraged because I definitely didn't deserve to lose anything after my weekend. So Crazy - you probably won this round (we'll see how your weekend in Calgary was!), but get ready for round two - because I am going to kick your Crazy Ass.