This is weird

So after abandoning this place for a very long time - I find myself revisiting an old friend. Seeing this page makes me nostalgic and long for a simpler time when I was fatter, but just as angry and sarcastic. Don't worry, that will never go away.

Yes, I said fatter. Over the summer, I lost 15 lbs. I don't know how I did it or what finally changed, but sometime between the heat-induced chafing between my thighs and one chin too many in every photo I saw of myself, I'd had just about enough. So I pulled up my trusty WW account, got myself a gym membership and worked my now much more wee hiney off.

All the clothes in my closet fit again and there was a renewed joy in going clothes shopping. It was a treat again rather than a constant tug of war with denim and cotton. That stupid saying about thin tasting better than a cream filled donut is true I guess.

But goals are never an end point to anything in my opinion. Goals are ephemeral and ever changing and for weight loss more so than any other type I think. I'd still like to lose five more to get to 130lbs. That would be nice to say.

Here's the thing - on top of losing five pounds, I also got engaged last month. That's right, Matthew and I are getting married in May. And of course one of the most important parts of a wedding is the dress, which means I need to maintain a certain sense of self - that is a skinny self.

On Saturday, I'm going dress shopping and I plan to be thin for my wedding goddammit. I really don't think I can stomach looking back at my photos years from now and wonder what I could have looked like if only I'd said no to that piece of cake once in a while. I have to order the dress six months ahead of time, that means once I sign on the dotted line, I can't gain an ounce.

I'm not going to say I'm coming back here indefinitely. I've made that promise to myself too many times. I would like to come back as I have been thinking about this place for a little while now. I had a good time here. I hope to see you again soon.