K-9 Exercise

I hate to be one of those people who talks incessantly about their pets. I probably have become one of those people and I don't think it bodes well for when we eventually have kids. This is a warning to those I know in real life--I'm SO going to be one of those people. Deal with it.

I'm on day 3 of Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred. (I'm going to pull a Rachel Ray and be unbelievably annoying and give it a big long abbreviation like EVOO. So JM30D it is. That makes it sound like a can of lubricant.) This in itself isn't a big fat deal. I'll have to do a few more days before I'm allowed to pat myself on the back. However, there is one factor in my home workout I did not consider and that would be the 4.5 month old puppy we have.

Evidently jumping jacks, running on the spot and just swinging my arms means playtime in her world and she starts barking at me like mad. It's the same bark she makes when she wants to play. She's generally pretty quiet so it's a little jarring. Fine, I can deal with that. If I ignore it for long enough, then she'll stop eventually.

The real problem starts when I get on the floor to do pushups and situps. Apparently this means it's time to attack. During pushups she will butt her bum right up to my head and practically sit on it, thereby requiring me to do the work of lifting both my own fat ass and her little one. I'd like to think she's just trying to help me out, but I don't think that's it. During situps, I become a target for licking and pawing and general puppy love. While it's all rather cute, it's hardly conducive to losing weight.

I'm scared Jillian is going to pop out of the screen and start yelling at me. She sort of strikes me as the type of person who might do that.

And because I just must... here is our little girl Elphie at 7 weeks, right after we got her. Who could stay mad at that face?

Food yesterday (It wasn't a very good one, but I was good on Monday, which makes me wonder why I didn't post yesterday so I could brag instead of today when I must hang my head in shame.)
oatmeal and brown sugar 3 pts
cheese and crackers 4 pts
lunch 10 pts (I am estimating since I have no idea)
dinner bratwurst 14 pts (this is what I'm talking about)
Total=too much.

Feed a cold...

I've been a little MIA for about a week since my last whiny diatribe. My cold got much worse, and I ended up spending most of the week on the couch, attempting to medicate with food. I know when they talk about this phenomenon they mean "emotional and psychological medicine," but I've never been one to let details get in my way. I decided that a smorgasbord of cheese and chocolate might, indeed, be the cure for the common cold.

By the weekend, I was feeling more human, but the food fest continued until today when I can't even bring myself to step on the scale. I went out with a good friend of mine on the weekend who's been feeling the same denim-waist-pinch that I have lately, and we both complained to each other--it's good to have support right? Anyway, over a bag of mini donuts (I told you it was bad), we toasted our last "supper" and both resolved to start doing better. (I think all legally binding contracts should take place over a bag of mini-donuts.)

So the plan this week is to stay OP. I've gotten into a futile cycle of doing really well until about mid-Thursday when I let the whole thing fall apart and not only do I stick to what I would usually do on the weekend, I feel it's my mission to make up for all the food I missed earlier in the week resulting in negative results come Monday weigh-in. I hate how science always seems to have the upper hand. It's just so goddam smug.

Note: Today I am starting the 30-day shred over again, because I haven't done it in a week. I am challenging myself to do 30 days in a row. Here goes nothing.

Sucking big time

Well it's Monday, which means weigh in day (even if today is a holiday and I'm at home). I didn't lose a single ounce. I weight exactly the same as last week which completely ticks me off, but I totally deserved it. I was so good from Monday to Thursday and then the Valentine's Day sweets and treats extravaganza started and all was lost. I didn't do my Jillian Michaels DVD, I ate chocolate and we went out for a big (but lovely) dinner and come this morning, the scale hadn't moved.

I am so annoyed with myself, and now, I have a cold which will probably mean I won't feel like exercising this week and I know it's a lame excuse, but I'm lame and I can't do anything about that. I'm trying to eat well today, but I always find it easier to stick to my points when I'm at work and the temptation of the fridge downstairs isn't there.

I know this is an incredibly whiny post. I'm sick of me too. Seriously.

30-day Shred

Two days ago, I ran to the mailbox with so much excitement and glee, I peed in my pants a little. I had ordered Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred DVD on Amazon and I was waiting with much impatience. I had read so many good reviews about her kick-ass attitude and just how hard the workout was. The best part, at just 20-minutes a day, people were seeing results and getting "shredded"--so to speak.

I've never really watched the Biggest Loser, so I wasn't really sure what Jillian Michaels was all about, but the sight of her toned abs and bulging arms was enough to make me an official convert to the church of Jill. I figure she must know at least a little something. (The claim that you can lose 20 lbs in 30 days seems a) a little far fetched and b) a little unhealthy, but whatever, I'll bite.)

Yesterday morning I was a model of diet and exercise and decided to try day 1 of the DVD before work. I started with level 1 because I had read that even that was very challenging. (Of course, Jililan doesn't take into account a puppy that freaks out when you start doing jumping jacks in your living room, nor that said puppy will try and attack you when you lie down for a set of sit ups, but I digress.)

I love how she keeps telling me that I won't see results if I don't work for it. It sucks to be told the truth, as it always does, but it's definitely what I need to hear. The workout was pretty tough, but I think I'm probably ready to move to level 2 pretty soon. (I admit I didn't use the weights on the first try because I was too lazy to get them out of the cloest. Perhaps not a good sign of things to come?)

Anyway, my plan is to try to do 30 days in a row. I don't know if I'll make it as the only thing I've even been able to do for 30 days in a row is eat (and sleep).

Food yesterday:
B: oatmeal and brown sugar - 3 pts
L: sweet and sour pork w/ brown rice & banana - 7 pts
S: smart pop - 2 pts
D: potato apple latkes and spinach salad - 4.5 pts
S: Chocolate chip cookies - 6 pts (I was craving chocolate very much and I shouldn't have baked. But I did and then I paid for it. Oops.)

Total 22.5 pts

Beauty is skin deep

When I was at the gym the other day, I was running on a treadmill watching the bank of TVs in front of me. I didn't have my headphones plugged into the thing so I could hear it, so I was just reading the closed captioning. The show Beautiful People was on. I've seen this a couple of times before, so I could follow along. Bascially it's a reality-type show about the two guys who founded the website Beautiful People.

It's a dating website where only the attractive are allowed and you have to be voted on by other members. It's totally shallow and trite and the two guys who run the site are complete asses, but I can't help but be drawn to watching the show. They follow these two tanned, buffed and plucked men around, who talk about women in terms less flattering than pieces of meat and read the hate mail they receive from hundreds of people (this is my favourite part).

They also profile someone who is trying to get on the site, and that's just really pathetic. Sometimes they get on and sometimes they don't, but they always vow to try again. I'm not sure what would draw people to this kind of thing, and I was running away on my treadmill trying to lose some weight and thereby enhance my own Beautiful Quotient, when a commercial for eHarmony came on and I realized that everyone on that commercial would have made it on Beautiful People. So maybe the website really is just being really honest about the world. Maybe we are all just shallow.

I know when I used to go on those sites, I would immediately discount a guy if I didn't like his picture. I still feel bad about the guy that sent me a few emails and seemed nice and like we had a lot in common, but I then dropped him completely when I saw his photo (it really wasn't good). If you go on Beautiful People, you'll see that the voting is pretty harsh. Anyone with a few extra pounds or a few extra years (namely anyone over the age of 35), get lots of no votes--blonde women in skimpy clothing get lots of yes votes. You know how it goes.

(Is it totally sad that even though I'm happily married, a small part of me wants to see if I'd get voted on? It turns out I'm in need of validation from a group of complete strangers who likely have the emotional range of teaspoons... damn.)

Food yesterday:
oatmeal 3 pts
salmon 8 pts
plantain dessert 5 points
hot and sour soup 4 pts

Total 20 pts

Grocery list, gym--check

I finally went to the gym yesterday. It had been a while, and I have no explanation for my lack of intertia other than I was being lazy. It was cold out, I was tired and I'm sure I could come up with a whole bunch of lame, dumb excuses if you asked me. I hate it when I don't go to the gym, because there is nothing more defeating than watching my ten bucks or whatever it is, being removed from my bank account every two weeks and realizing that I have literally flushed it down the drain. I may be glutonous, but I don't like to be wasteful.

My gym is inside a grocery store. Don't ask me why, it just is. I have to walk into the store, go up a set of stairs where I can stand on a mezzanine and survey the produce-squeezing shoppers below. It sounded like a good idea. I would get my workout in, then get my grocery shopping done. I love multi-tasking. Except that right after my very first visit, I began to see the folly in my plan. After I work out, I'm hungry. I never understand those people who say they aren't hungry after exercise--that seems like the kind of thing that could throw the universe out of whack (just like time travelling.) Not only am I hungry, I'm ravenous.

That first day I went to the gym, I came out and walked down the stairs surveying the chocolate, cheese and slices of freshly baked pizza in the deli before me. It was like walking into a heroin shop if you're a heroin addict. (I'm aware there is no such thing as a heroin shop--I'm trying to illustrate a point here. Get off my back.) I had to remain strong. I turned away from the offending delights and left the store--that day. I can't promise I've been that good all the time and I definitely can't promise I'll be that good in the future.

This weekend was a total loss. I weighed in at 146.5 lbs this morning, which means I didn't gain from last week, so I guess that was the best I could hope for. (I said I didn't weigh myself last Monday, but I lied. I did.) I must lose this week, because I am sick of my own crapulence.

It's not my fault

So I didn't have a very successful day yesterday in terms of controlling my food intake, but I must plead the fifth, throw up my hands, and declare it's not my fault. (I'm aware that pleading the fifth is something entirely different, but I don't know if there is a number for the 'right to pass blame.' And besides, the fifth is an American thing, so I'm pretty sure I just committed a federal offense by doing that.)

Anyway, one of the biggest challenges of dieting for me at this point in my life is my job. I actually work as a food writer and editor for a local food magazine. I know? It's like holding a Weight Watchers meeting in a donut shop right? It sounds like a dream--getting paid to eat, and I'll admit it's not too bad. But you're all smart people, so I'm sure you can see where the difficulty might arise though. It means eating out on a fairly regular basis and I can't just have the salad when reviewing a restaurant.

Yesterday we were preparing for a photo shoot which means going for a tasting of the foods the chef we are featuring will be offering. It's a hard life but someone has to do it. But that wasn't it. In the evening, I had to go out for dinner again because of a dining event happening in the city. Right, so that meant two pretty big meals in one day and now I'm feeling bad.

I know the books all tell you that if you have a setback, to not let it completely derail you. While this sounds very logical advice from someone sitting in an office typing on their keyboard, it's really not that practical for someone who'll look for any reason to pig out.

But this little piggy is going to try.

Arm Wrestle

I have fat arms. There I said it. I know everyone laments one or two body parts that they can't stand and can't ever seem to tone up. But it's normally the thighs or the butt or the stomach. You know, normal places. (Incidentally, I have made peace with my butt and thighs, but am still in talks with my stomach. We are planning to call in a mediator soon.)

You never hear people complaining about their arms, which kind of makes me feel like a freak. I guess arms don't really get a lot of play in the world of body parts. It's not like people pay to go into peep shows to see bare biceps. In photos, I'm always wary when I've been wearing something with short sleeves, because inevitably it will look like two large hams are protruding from my shoulders masquerading as appendages.

It's a problem when clothes shopping too. I have shirts that fit me otherwise, in fact, they might even be too big around the body, but that are so tight around my upper arms, I can feel my fingers turning purple. I was once shopping in one of those boutique places that you know are kind of overpriced, but you feel it absolves your guilt that the clothes were less likely made by blind orphans in Vietnam. I saw this cute jacket, but when I went to try it on, I couldn't get it past my elbow. I commented that the arms seemed a little tight. The blonde stick figure, who apparently worked in the store, then proceeded to tear it out of my hands and pull the coat on thereby demonstrating it fit her where it wouldn't fit me. As you can imagine, that pissed me off. Feeling a little like Quasimodo, I took my knuckle dragging, flabby-armed self out of that store.

Food yesterday:
oatmeal and brown sugar 3 pts
cheese and crackers 4 pts
soup 3 pts
samosa sandwich 6 pts
wine 4 pts (I am feeling the effects of using my last four point on alcohol rather than food yesterday. It's 9 am and I'm already starving despite the fact I ate breakfast not very long ago. Serves me right I suppose. Next time I'll have a banana. Oh who are we kidding?)

Superfat Sunday

I'm not a football fan--at all. I just don't get it. They all seem to be just running around in random circles and while I've had the rules explained to me on more than one occasion it still seems like cosmic randomness to me. I can solve a quadratic equation and tell you the mathematical derivative of x squared, but the intricacies of football are beyond me. (I never get when one guy gets the ball and runs everyone is happy and then when a different guy does, they're all sad.)

However, I have married into a family, that while not mad about sports, does like to mark large sporting occassions like the Grey Cup (Canadian football for my fellow Americans) and/or the Superbowl with a little partying. If one must watch football, then this is the way to do it. Those who are interested can enjoy the game, albeit with a bit of background noise and the rest of us (that would be me), eat.

Of course, you can't watch sporting events with salad and grilled chicken breasts. I may not understand sports, but I do understand that much. Dips and cheese and chili are par for the course. Of course, when I saw what is apparently the internet sensation of this week, the bacon explosion, I was intrigued. Two pounds of Italian sausage wrapped in two pounds of bacon and smoked estimated at approximately 5,000 calories. There is something both so hideous and wonderful at the same about this, that I just don't know what to do with it.

It looks pretty gross, but I bet it tastes great. It's been on TV shows and newspapers and the website has gotten thousands of hits. My prediction is that we'll see it on restaurant menus before long. Perhaps not on fine dining ones, but certainly on the menus of restaurants such as Montana's or Chili's. But what this proves is this--health is a just a myth and we're simply going through the motions. The truth is, we'd give it all up for a really good bacon recipe.

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I chose not to weigh in this morning like I usually do on Mondays because I didn't have a good week. I am bound and determined to stay on OP this week. Maybe I'll even try and play some football. Maybe not.